|Ed Lighting My Birthday Cake|
Every year since we've been together as a couple, Ed has tried his damnedest to make my birthday special. He will plot and plan, and start asking me how I want to spend the day at the beginning of May. The week before my birthday he'll ask me what I want to do, what I want for breakfast, where I want to eat dinner. The day before and the morning of my birthday he will ask me again. As I've said before, I appreciate the gesture, but I often feel pressured to come up with something special to celebrate my birthday. Having ADHD means I have trouble deciding what to do, especially when there's so many options. This leads to frustration and anger.
As you probably have read in my previous posts, I've also been in a bit of a funk. I'm sure my Mom's 10 year death anniversary isn't helping, neither is my own realization that I'm actually "middle aged." It's weird, but here we are.
|A Delicious Cake from Coffee Time. YUM!|
|Fort Sewell, Marblehead. One of Our Favorite Places|
This single act of holding space for me and my feelings was the best birthday gift I could ever receive! It let me process what is usually a very complicated day. It also taught me that I need space and low levels of sensory data to make smart decisions. Otherwise, I tend to get overwhelmed and frustrated, and will lash out.
|Cleared and Planted with Grass Seed|
Ed and I took off the week after my birthday and planned a "staycation." We somewhat finished clearing the jungle that was our backyard and planted grass seed. I am happy to report that it is growing, though I think the birds got the majority of it.
|Ed, the Wondrous Mensch|
We're getting a new fence, so we aren't able to build the garden beds and plant all of the trees, bushes, and flowers this summer. I have amazing plans for this space! But alas, I have to wait. Ed built two raised beds for tomatoes and zucchini, and we have potted basil and cilantro on the deck.
|Tomatoes and Zucchini|
|Herbs and Flowers|
|Our Summer Solstice "Nosh"|
I am very grateful that Salem has many wonderful small businesses, including a cheese and wine shop and a specialty food shop. The Cheese Shop of Salem and Pamplemousse have been supplying our noshes with an amazing array of cheese, meats, olives, wines, and beer. The best part is that both shops are within walking distance from our house.
|Ziggy and Doc Enjoying Solstice|
With all of that said, how am I doing? Well, much better now. I allowed myself room to process and talk about how I feel about my birthday. I allowed myself the space to be angry and upset and lost. I didn't put on a "happy" face for the world because I'm supposed to ... and it was wonderfully therapeutic. I've been doing an awful lot of thinking, meditating, and reflecting about my life and career, who I am, my Mom's death, and my own mortality. It's been hard, but good.